Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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