Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
