like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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