there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
