i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
