My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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