census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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