The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
