I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
