Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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