How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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