What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize