brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
