dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
