cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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