just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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