He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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