please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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