Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
