none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
