dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
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You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
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I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
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