I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
