I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
