on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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