My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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