i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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