I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
