Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
