Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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