but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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