Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
