You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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