what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
