They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
