it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
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I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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