you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
