He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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