Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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