I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
