My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
