Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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