it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
