Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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