Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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