The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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