sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
