you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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