I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
