I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
