I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
