The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
