She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
