RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
