The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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