eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
