In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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