Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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