you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
