i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
