its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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