The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Be still, my beating vagina.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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