Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
A+ Viking dick
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." ๐ ๐๐ท
You canโt judge a dick by its balls.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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