I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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