$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
