so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
