im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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