When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
