i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
