You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize