Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
