you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize