She's like a pop up book from hell.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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