Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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