i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize