Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
