i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
